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She lives!

Mostly. It's been one of those...well, several of those days.

I really wish I knew exactly what was going on. I've been hitting the panic level several times the last few days, to the point that I ran out on Game Night last night (all you Game Night folks reading this, I'm *really* sorry about that). I worry that I'm not doing well at work (there's a work rant coming, eventually, I think), and that I'm just...not right.

I'm sick and tired of dealing with the panic. The depression's not great, but it's not nearly as profound and soul-crushing as it has been in years past - a snuggle from Eric or (in a pinch) one of the kitties, and I'm ok again. The panic, though...it just comes out of nowhere and BAM! I'm sobbing, screaming, unable to breathe (except to sob and scream, of course), and I can't figure out why. That's the worst of it. It's like every little stress and worry of the day, rather than fading away after awhile, just keeps building up until there's one last little thing and down I go.

Back to work now. It's gotta get better, right?

Comments

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nire
Apr. 15th, 2005 06:32 am (UTC)
*hugs*
it will get better. mostly because you are you and damnit, you don't deserve this shit.
also because you will kidnap me and i will let you borrow the book of essays critiquing Firefly in a wonderfully pretentious and satisfying way.
and because i gift you with these curses to mutter at work with the garuntee that they won't have any clue what the hell you're saying:
Nee ta ma duh tyen-shia suo-yo du run doh gai si
Fuck everyone in the universe to death
Liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh bun ur-tze
Stupid son of a drooling whore and a monkey
...and, actually, there's a lot of interesting curses in Firefly. let me know if you need more.
i'll call and randomly leave them on your messaging service.
pict_shrink
Apr. 15th, 2005 01:13 pm (UTC)
::bighugehonkinhugs:: I love you and I know you can pull through this, dammit. And you know how it is when I say "dammit", dammit. ;) So kick panic's ass, babe.

~me :*
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