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One of these days...

First, I'd like to make a confession. I listen to - and enjoy - country music.

*waits for the flurry of un-friending to subside*

I don't tend to buy too much of it anymore, but there were a few years there where country CDs were the only kind I bought. During this point, I picked up Tim McGraw's Everywhere. I listened to it for the first time at night, while trying to sleep, while I was in high school. Junior or senior year, I can't quite remember which - I just remember it was when things were getting bad. Really, really, incredibly depressingly would seem like melodrama only it wasn't quite or at least that's what it felt like at the time bad.

One of the last tracks on the CD is a song called "One of These Days." Listening to that, I ended up bursting into tears. The last verse runs something like this: "One of these days I'm gonna love me/And feel the joy of sweet release./One of these days I'll rise above me/And at last I'll find some peace." It continues from there, but those are the lines that made me cry - because I didn't know what that felt like anymore, and I ached for it. I know all teenagers have their own versions of melodrama and things that tear their world apart for awhile, and I know that, at the time, they are the worst things that could ever happen. And I'm not really going to say that things for me were worse than the average kid (admittedly, losing my father when I was 17 was pretty much the big breaking point), or rather, the average kid whose brain chemistry is screwed.

At any rate. I'd put the CD on the StephiePod, and kinda forgot about it from there. I tend to listen to either playlists or all the songs on random, so everything comes up a surprise. Today, "One of These Days" was the big surprise. And I managed to surprise myself as well, because I realized something. "One of These Days" had come, at least in part. I do love me. And somewhere along the lines, there was a sweet release. It comes and goes, some days, but I'm not sliding. I'm on level ground for now, and any bumps in the road are just...bumps. They're not the ditches and chasms they once were.

"And then I'll sigh a little/And maybe even laugh a little but/One of these days/I'm gonna love me."

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Comments

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jennekirby
Feb. 3rd, 2006 02:15 am (UTC)
*hugs* that's wonderful. I'm allllmost there myself and it's the most amazing feeling ever.

also, I listen to country music too. and I might have to find that song on iTunes.
smallbearcub
Feb. 3rd, 2006 03:25 am (UTC)
Lovely post.

And, BTW, I love country music.
gamethyme
Feb. 3rd, 2006 04:22 am (UTC)
You like country music?

*note to self: After unfriending setauuta, smallbearcub is next*
smallbearcub
Feb. 3rd, 2006 04:43 am (UTC)
Aw shucks. I'll have to write a song about it.
aladriana
Feb. 3rd, 2006 06:50 am (UTC)
Oh sure...:P
aladriana
Feb. 3rd, 2006 06:50 am (UTC)
That was directed at gamethyme, btw :)
aladriana
Feb. 3rd, 2006 06:50 am (UTC)
Sweetie, I love country music. It's on my regular rotation of MP3's. When I was with my husband (first) he hated it, and I felt as though I'd never get to listen to it.

:hugs: I understand the ditches/chasms. I wish mine were gone, but they're not...yet. I'm glad you found just the bumps :)
pict_shrink
Feb. 3rd, 2006 02:31 pm (UTC)
I'll be the bastion of all that is sane - I don't like country music. Now, to remove some of my bastion-ity - I do like some country songs.

All of that is totally irrelevant, of course, to the main fact that you feel good about yourself and have some inner peace. For which I am very glad for you.

waml :*
grimhild
Feb. 3rd, 2006 05:14 pm (UTC)
A long-time-coming congratulations to you!
(Deleted comment)
setauuta
Feb. 3rd, 2006 11:36 pm (UTC)
I don't think I'll be able to make it. It seems that Eric's mom wants to go shopping with me for wedding attire for her - see, now Mom knows what she's wearing, so Eric's mom can go shopping for what SHE'S wearing. *sigh* I'm looking SO forward to this, can't you tell?
(Deleted comment)
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