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Jan. 13th, 2002

I'm back in the dorms, back on the floor where I lived last year, with many of the people I know and love around me. I can't count how many times I've been picked up with hugs in the past few days.

I'm unpacked, and my stuff has made the space my own again. I feel like I have a lot more breathing room, probably because I can actually spread out to all available surfaces and claim them as mine. I've had many people in my room already, which is always good.

So why is it that I'm less than content?

The shyness is kicking in again. I seemed to have forgotten the fact that the freshmen here wouldn't know me, and that they wouldn't necessarily flock to me the way they did last year. In fact, I doubt many of them acknowledge my presence in the dorm. I need to remember that last year was an anomoly. And that I've only been here for three days. But damn it, I thought it was going to be different from this.

Then I gave Bret a present that I am now realizing I put far too much importance on, and made it a much bigger deal in my head than it was in reality. This being my own fault, for building things up, I can't really complain. But I will.

I'm more than ready for this vague feeling of discontent to go away already. I probably just built the whole "returning home" thing up, and the truth of the matter is, it hasn't been half bad. The people who knew me before have welcomed me with open arms (literally). And I've already had my first pie conversation of the year with Matthew, so I know things are fine on that front. I guess I just wish I didn't feel so disconnected. I knew it would happen, but, drat.

/whine

On the upside, I may very well have an idea for a thesis for next year! Talking to Kim, the idea just kinda popped up, and it may be just crazy enough to work! I was trying to figure out how to combine Spanish and Theatre in a way that wouldn't involve a lot of actors speaking bad Spanish or me spending my life in the library doing research. So the idea of finding a play in Spanish, translating it myself and then performing it seems like a wonderful combination. I'm really excited by this concept. Even if the performance aspect doesn't come through for some reason or another, I can always put together a staged reading on my own. I may talk to the theatre and Spanish people in the next week for ideas of playwrights to look at and if this is even a plausible idea. It would make for a happy senior year, methinks.

Now that those two highly diverse sides of Stephie have been displayed...I'm playing more games, I think. So there.

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