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Conclusions?

We talked everything out. He does like me - he considers me special - and we've gotten to know each other much better these past few weeks. However, he has "relationship anxiety", which he explained thorugh describing some of his past relationships. Basically, it boils down to him only having Relationships - the serious, hard core kind. Obviously, our timing's a bit off for that right now - not to mention the fact that he doesn't feel ready to get into that kind of relationship now. Thus, relationship-wise, it wouldn't work right now.


'Course, I keep using the word "now". I don't think any doors have been closed on the subject - after all, he does like me (and not Julia - to quote "yeah, I kinda half-thought about it for a minute, but, nah."). Basically, I'm thinking we'll be good friends, and if things happen when i get back, then great. If not - I can honestly say I won't be crushed.


Could it be that I'm growing up? Good heavens.


Now, I just have to deal with sore hands from a long night of sobbing and clenching and hitting. It was bad last night - Jason, I'm sorry. The first thing Ma said when I mentioned it to her was "what are you doing, doing that to somebody?" "What was I supposed to do?" "Deal with it!" And people wonder why I have a hard time opening up.


I think it's time for sleep. Time's running out, but I'm feeling a lot calmer and a bit less guilty now.

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