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Good heavens

What the devil did I do? I scared the bejesus out of him, that's what. I just couldn't deal with knowing that tonight would be the last time I saw him alone, and knowing that I'd passed up all my chances. "If I don't do this now, I'll never get the guts to do it again." And I kissed him.

IDIOT! I scared him to death. I was so quick, and still i could feel him pulling away. Or losing his balance. But anyway. Dolt! Moron! He told you - but noooo, you couldn't let it be. We both laughed, and he told me he'd let me know what he thought about it once it registered. I know what he'll think - "just friends", etc. and so forth. Though he did say that I (along with his mom) am the only one he can have hours-long conversations with, "and that's so important." Just friends, I can feel it. I just know it. Idiot!!!!

And then I get home and get hollered at for being late (ten whole minutes) again. Man, I'll be glad to get out of this house.

Four full days left. Good Lord.

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