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Where did I go?

I'm trying to get better about actually appearing on any kind of social networking, but it's been hard. I find myself repeating the same thing over and over again, almost like a mantra: Keep your head down, keep your mouth shut, no one wants to hear what you have to say. I'm actually fighting the impulse to cancel out of this post page and stop writing, but I know I need to try to push through that and remember what it was like to write for other people.

cleolinda wrote a very accurate portrait of depression here - this entry started because I wanted to comment on the post, but couldn't convince myself that someone with as huge a following as Cleo would actually want my comments on there. I know, I know - it's a problem. It's the main problem, actually. I've been fighting with depression for years now, and the cycle usually means that it gets really bad about every 4-5 years or so. The first was during high school, the second during college. It hasn't gotten to that horrible nadir of depression again, but I'm finding it to be a more constant, low-level badness - like the sound of a fan in the background, always there.

I'm not sure what I hoped to accomplish here, but I guess I'm going to try to put myself out there a little bit more. I feel a little bit like I've collapsed in on myself, and I'm loath to even really talk to anyone, because I know I'm likely to just babble about things no one but me cares about. Fair warning - apparently I'm only really capable of complete radio silence or irrelevant babbling.

Hope everyone's Thanksgiving went well. Now it's time to get ready for Christmas, woo? :)

Comments

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luzclarita
Dec. 6th, 2011 02:55 pm (UTC)
I don't know about you, but winter is hard. Shitty weather, no light, plus family drama? It's a lot. This whole life thing is way more work than they prepared me for in grade school. I hope you feel better soon. (hug)
alese
Dec. 8th, 2011 12:11 am (UTC)
It's still good to hear from you - and let us be the judge of how irrelevant your writing is? (I enjoyed your more recent cookie post, for instance. Mmm, cookies.)
pict_shrink
Dec. 17th, 2011 03:54 pm (UTC)
::hugs:: I always want to know what you have to say! So :P
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