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Health updates (again)

So, I went to the doctor (my regular doctor who is made of awesome) yesterday for a follow-up on my meds, etc. I mentioned to him that I'd gotten the results back from the ultrasound but had no idea how to read them. Through the power of technology (and the fact that all my doctors are in the same system), he was able to pull them up and take a look at them.


So, I know full well that my regular doctor is not a specialist, but considering he's the one that first pointed me in the direction of PCOS, I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. The ultrasound seems to indicate PCOS (which is what we expected, so there's that), but it also indicated that I have fibroids in my uterus. Basically, there are benign tumors growing in my uterine walls (at least one of them is pretty big, and there are probably more than one), and they're growing into my uterus. My doctor said that he would obviously defer to the gynecologist, but he said that if the symptoms from the fibroids are bad enough (meaning the super-heavy periods and cramps that make me hate life), then surgery would be an option. He said that frequently, if there are many fibroids and they are causing major pain and bleeding, that the treatment would involve a hysterectomy.


So, basically, my doctor thinks pregnancy would be a "steep uphill battle" without help, be that fertility drugs, surgery, or some combination of both. I still have an appointment next week with the gynecologist, and I'm going to get her take on all of this, but...it's not looking good.

At this point, my focus is on doing what I need to in order for me to be healthy. I'm not going to get treatments specifically for the purpose of allowing me to become pregnant - Eric and I had decided that in the beginning, and I still feel it's the right course of action. However, now it's not just about not getting pregnant - it's about my overall health. I need to see what needs to be done, and take things from there. However, it's looking more and more likely that Eric and I aren't going to be parents.

I am...surprisingly at peace. I would have expected to be more upset, but frankly, if this is what it's going to be, I still have a damn fine life. It means that I'll have an even greater obligation to spoil the hell out of my nephews and niece (as well as the kids of my friends, so beware! :) ), and I think I can live with that. It says a lot about how far I've come that something like this, during a week I'd be at my lowest, isn't sending me into a pit of depression. I'm sad, certainly, but...I guess "resigned" is the best way to put it. It's bittersweet, and Eric and I had a long talk about it last night, but I think at this point, we're willing to call the game.

Comments

( 4 bubbles )
fairoriana
Jan. 24th, 2013 07:37 pm (UTC)
That is a tough message to hear, but it sounds like you have a great take on it. I'm sorry that you didn't get better, or more cheerful news. But yay for enjoying the life you have, instead of bemoaning the life you don't!
seasong1
Jan. 25th, 2013 12:18 am (UTC)
Hugs from down here in Texas. Not much else to say.
bean_bunny
Jan. 25th, 2013 04:38 am (UTC)
It sounds like you have the right attitude.
luzclarita
Jan. 29th, 2013 03:21 pm (UTC)
When Dustin and I were going through this, it was very hard for me to talk to anyone about it as I constantly felt that infertility is a non-problem to complain about -- like how could I talk about what I didn't have when we clearly had so much? In retrospect, I was wrong. I SHOULD have talked about it more, and I would not have been burdening my friends with pointless complaining. As a Mom, and even before I was a Mom, I would totally get it if someone came to me to be sad about infertility. People are allowed to feel sad if they don't have boyfriends or girlfriends, so it makes sense to feel sad about infertility. It's cool that you are feeling better about it these days, but if you have times where you feel sad again, remember that it doesn't bother other people to talk about it. *hugs*
( 4 bubbles )

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