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Nighttime

I'm scared and nervous and excited and confused and infatuated and tied in knots (and not in a good way), and I still have a whole other day to get through. My stomach's been doing somersaults all night - I knew eating was a bad idea. Packing-wise, everything's done. Now it's the hurry up and wait stage.

I'm worried about the future - when I got back. What if they forget me? What if everything changes so much that I no longer have a place? What if he meets someone else? What if I meet someone else? Where will I be when I return?

I worry about the next semester. What if I can't cut it? What if I really just can't act? What if I can't get along with the instructors? Acting's so subjective...what am I doing, going onstage? I belong in the makeup room, making the real actors beautiful and keeping out of the lights.

I worry about the arrival. What if my plane's late? What if my luggage gets lost or stolen? What if I lose some of my paperwork? What if I can't find my way to the school from the apartment, when they drop me off?

The combination of an insomniac and a compulsive worrywart is what you see before you. Throw in the beginnings of an ulcer, and I've got my bases covered. However, the two can cancel each other out a bit - worrying actively, with the tense muscles and mild hyperventilation, does tend to tire a body out.

Please, God, let it be ok...please watch over us, and get us through this in as many pieces as we started.

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