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Grar



So. My last relationship ended none too well. It ended officially the beginning of October 2002, with some more drama hanging around until December of that year. After winter break, a lot of things changed in my life. I took care of myself, and finally dug myself out of the deep deep dark dark deep dark place of depression in which I found myself (BEFORE the breakup - the depression actually aided the breakup, which then aided the depression), and I started getting my head on straight again. I graduated. I came home, I got a job, I got my life together again.

Part of this 'getting Stephie's shit together' deal was pulling away from people that caused anxiety and other problems. The ex, obviously, was the biggest trigger there was. We barely spoke for the rest of the year, and after I graduated I ended a lot of ties to the school. I haven't severed ties completely - I have a hard time doing that - but I just don't talk to many people there anymore. Around Christmas of last year, I realized that the ex still had some books that I very much wanted back. I was hoping to get them back as swiftly and painlessly as possible, and he seemed to agree to this - telling me to let him know when I'd be around campus (to visit other friends), and he'd bring them by.

Fast forward a couple of months. I run into a friend of the ex's, who has heard through the grapevine that I'm dating someone now (and am very very happy in this new relationship). Suddenly, I get an email from the ex that he doesn't remember which books are mine, and which are his, and why don't I come by his dorm room to sort them out? So the plan becomes that I go to the campus this weekend, when Eric is here, and pick up the books then - with Eric and Erin both with me. They want me to make the ex squirm as much as I can with Eric, but I'd much rather just have them there for support - it's been awhile, and I'm doing much better, but the ex is still a bit of a trigger for me.

So, no problem, right? Wrong. Just got an email from the ex, saying that we haven't had any real conversations lately, and he wants to open up the lines of communication again. I don't want to do so, but I want my bloody books back!

Advice?


Cut to protect those who don't give a damn. And many thanks to crispengray for the new icon!

Comments

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gamethyme
Feb. 24th, 2004 08:36 pm (UTC)
It's not hard to be too busy to respond (until after you have your stuff).

AFTER you get your stuff back, be honest with him. (I'm not suggesting dishonesty BEFORE you have your stuff back, mind you ... just don't respond. BE too busy.)
black_tam
Feb. 24th, 2004 08:57 pm (UTC)
Never met you but am a friend of Eric's so that makes you a friend of mine. I agree with Eric in this. Don't even reply to him until after you get your books, then tell him whatever you want. Be blunt and don't worry about hurt feelings. It is because you are dating someone else is why there is a sudden flurry of communication attempts. And if he doesn't take the hint there are other routes of dissuasion.
aladriana
Feb. 24th, 2004 09:22 pm (UTC)
Easy, tell him its an idea, you'll think about it, and hey, I need to pick up my books...
knittinggoddess
Feb. 25th, 2004 04:56 am (UTC)
Augh.

Stick with your original plan, I think. And I am probably excessively blunt, but let him know that you are not interested in talking. Give whatever reason you want, even the truth.
(Anonymous)
Feb. 26th, 2004 05:05 pm (UTC)
Seems an awful lot like the ex is stalling on the books thing - probably weirded out/whatever by the fact that you're happy in a new relationship that's not with him, and not sure how to handle it. Get your books if possible as soon as possible and (whenever you feel it's the best time, maybe when you're picking up the books even) tell him you're not ready/interested to open back up to him. If he keeps stalling on when you can pick them up, maybe you could ask Erin to get them for you? Good luck, babe. And as always, let me know if any kneecaps need breaking.

~me :*
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