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May. 31st, 2004

So, it's been awhile since I've updated. The long and the short of it - I was freaking.

I'm unemployed, as of last Wednesday, and this freaks me out more than anything. I hate being unemployed, and looking for work, and being in this ridiculous state of limbo. I went through this last summer, and that was really rough then, too. This summer I don't have as much anxiety about finding work - I know I probably will.

The move, on the other hand, has me scared. I have to defend it to people all the time, and the more I try to defend it, the weaker my defense sounds to me. Going to visit the relatives in Colorado, there will be a lot of defense going on. I'm getting close to my expiration date, y'see - I'm the only grandchild not married, and I'm the only female. They're waiting for some kind of big, elaborate ceremony - the 'letting her go to college' thing was more or less an indulgence on their part, and really it's time to get on with my 'real' life now. This move is going to be difficult for them to understand.

I want to be a librarian. I want to leave Portland. I want to live my life surrounded by books and cats and people I love, who love me. That's all the justification I want, and that's all I'm going to give them.

Y'know, I feel better now. It helped, to say that. Maybe it'll be enough to keep things from getting too bad, again.

Here's hoping.


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May. 31st, 2004 07:40 am (UTC)
Being unemployed does suck, it screws up your entire routine, you stop taking your meds and waking up early, both of which just exacerbate the tension that is already rife in the house with you lounging around all the time...
Yes, I know that being unemployed sucks.

If it helps, you could try rationalizing your move to Everett to your relatives with "I'm getting more serious with this guy, and maybe we'll get married eventually."

On second thought, that's an awful idea.
But! I have an amusing story. At least I thought it was amusing.
A friend of mine grew up with the mantra "get married, have children" as well as the mantra "no sex before marriage, save yourself, etc." Now that she's 26 and a college graduate, her parents have moved from "when are you getting married" to "I don't care if you aren't married yet, just go out and get pregnant! Get us some grandchildren!"
Well, it's funny, if you don't think that your relatives are going to say the same thing to you.

Oh, Stephie. Come down to Seattle sometime for amusement, yeah? It's been too long.
Jun. 1st, 2004 01:23 am (UTC)
Oh, believe me, I'll be there this summer. As of June 15th, I'm a Washingtonian, so we'll figure out some time to hang out. :)

By the by - icon LOVE! :)
Jun. 1st, 2004 01:59 am (UTC)

And, thank you. Questionable Content ROCKS my socks.
May. 31st, 2004 07:41 am (UTC)
Stop defending it, then. You're a big girl, you can make your own decisions/mistakes. When people try to give you advice, say "oh you are so wonderful to be concerned about me. Thank you!" and then turn on your heel and walk away.

-Sharon, Queen of Diplomacy
May. 31st, 2004 09:11 am (UTC)
I told you, Beautiful ...

"Are you serious with anyone."

"Sorta ... he's a clown."
May. 31st, 2004 04:06 pm (UTC)
Damn skippy.

~me :*
May. 31st, 2004 04:41 pm (UTC)
Your justification sounds not only perfectly reasonable but absolutely lovely to me. Silly humans, not being able to grasp simple concepts as "I want to be happy on my own terms." But that's what families are for, if my own experience is any indication...*sigh*
May. 31st, 2004 09:50 pm (UTC)
UW has a library program. I thought about it for a long time, I just can't ever go back to school.

As for defending your life, don't. I know it's hard. I spent time when I was younger (I moved in with X husband at 18, married right before 21). I don't usually bother now. It is your life. Yours and whomever you choose to spend it with.

And those of us who love you like you are, don't really care "why" you do something. I'm just glad you do.

Then again, have you noticed that I'm a little bit odd? You are allowed the same rule as my brother you know. Call, night/day, midnight, whatever. Just in case you need someone like that :) (Or someone else).
Jun. 1st, 2004 07:52 pm (UTC)
Well you don't have to defend it, or anything else for that matter, to me. It will be nice to see you more. Just remember, it's your life to with as you please. Other people's love for you does not give them the right to make your choices for you...or criticize you for the choices you make. Knowing this wont stop them though, but it helps deal with them when they try.
You will be welcome here!
Jun. 3rd, 2004 03:29 am (UTC)
I want to be a librarian.
This is the key, Steph. You _know_ what you want to be, which is leaps and bounds ahead of so many of us. Follow your dreams. Unemployment is temporary. Knowing what you want is empowering. You inspire me.

It was fantastic to see you a couple weeks ago. I miss you. Send a mailing address along sometime, if you can, so I can mail you a photo. :)
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