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Rough night last night. I ended up waking Eric in the middle of the night because I was sobbing uncontrollably. Really, it was just a matter of time before I broke down somehow.

The combination of Father's Day, stress, anxiety, and having to turn down the interview for the one job just hit me all at once. I got scared that maybe moving here wasn't the right thing, maybe I should just go back to Portland, maybe maybe maybe...yeah, it was one of those nights.

Things looked much better in the morning. Funny thing, mornings. Anyway, I was able to remind myself that I haven't even been here a week - it'd be pretty danged amazing if things had sorted themselves out already. I've applied to a few places, and I know for certain that I am comfortably set for the next six months. After that, well, that's another story.

This is where I want to be. So there. :)


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Jun. 22nd, 2004 05:14 am (UTC)
resistance to what is
it really is odd how much we resist change, resist what cannot be changed. life patterns and people shift in and out of our realities. and we want to control them, preserve them, bring them back. it sounds so foolish, so selfish, to think that we can impose out will on the macinations of the universe, and yet that is often exactly what we want.

my heart goes out to you, post-fathers's day. i think i've had my last with my grandpa, and i am not looking forward to them without him.

i am glad for you that you had eric there, to hold you. that is *so* much.
Jun. 22nd, 2004 01:20 pm (UTC)
::bighugehonkinhugs:: Just remember (ahem, badly off key) - the sun'll come out, to-morrow!

Feel free to smack me now. But first admit, it did make you grin. (Or grimace, I'll take a grimace.)

~me :*
Jun. 23rd, 2004 08:40 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I can understand what you are going through. Just remember that you have "family" up here now. Welcome!
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