After all that, you may very well ask why I still write, and why I still post it publically. Yet another sign of my immaturity - I still feel the need to tell people how I feel. Plus, this is a "safe" way of expressing myself without saying anything face to face. If nothing else, I've learned I need to vent somewhere.
There's also a bit of comfort knowing that no one has to read this - it isn't like I'm talking to you, making you listen to me. You can stop reading whenever you want.
This is for me.