I should be getting to sleep, but, eh. I think I've finally calmed down enough to write - now that I know my brother's all right. That was my big concern, that he'd be called out to the Pentagon to do that life-saving thing that he does so well. Well, not yet, at any rate. He's been told that, as the only ambulance supervisor they seem to have with the firefighting experience, he'll be supervising the ambulances as they start moving people to the various hospitals I can breathe a little easier now.
As for the rest...I still can't believe people would be so callously militant to slaughter civilians for their own personal goals. And no one's come forward yet! No one's taking credit for it yet! Rat bastards. A good deal of my school's in a panic, as so many people are going to schools in NYC or are from there. It's so hard to believe that kind of evil exists in this world. My God.
OK, if I keep along this train of thought, I'll drive myself mad. Suffice to say I really wish I could see all the people I love right now, to tell them I love them and need them and just hug them. And, well, to apologize to Jason for how badly our IM conversation went earlier. Sorry, dear.
I guess the next best thing to do is to write here - I love you, and I miss you very much. Please, please take care. I need you.
Alone in a room, surrounded by people. Hm, how does this feel familiar? We're at a school-wide meeting called this morning in light of recent events. On the one hand, I'm relieved to be with a group of Americans - birds of a feather, etc. On the other hand, I seem to be surrounded by people who want nothing more than to dwell on it - either the horrific human cost, or the rage they feel towards the evil that did this. Newspapers abound - eveyrone has their Doomsday predictions of the world economy, security, etc. (Update: This afternoon someone read a prediction written by Nostradamus in 1566 about how in the year of the century and nine months, a great fire would rain down from the sky, and in the town of York twin brothers would be torn apart, and the third great war would begin. Lovely.)
I guess the thing that gets me is that so many people have found someone to either support or to support them - I, still having the hardest time reaching out, have yet to do this. Yesterday, I walked back from school with a few people who were in similar states of shock, and it was good to have someone there. But I do still need someone. I need a hug, more than anything, and it doesn't seem as though the majority of people around here are arbitrary huggers. Taht could be just because it's still the first week, though.
There does seem to be one person who would want to reach out a bit, but, being as picky as I am, she won't do. She's starting to give me the creeps a bit, to be honest. I've mentioned her before - the flatmate who seems so bound and determined to look up to me. It seems almost...worshippful, I guess? The way I catch her staring at me, the way she seems to go out of her way to try to do things for me, the way she tries desperately not to do anything to offend me...much of it reminds me of ex-boyfriend Luke. I could be misreading things, of course - I'm just not altogether comfortable around her.
I'm not the only one. I've had the Clarissa conversation with two other flatmates, both of whom are worried about her because she seems so much less than happy.
More later - class now.
Momentary break. Hearing conversations about the exact nature of nugguet, or however you spell the name of the stuff in Snickers bars. I just finished learning a Shakespearean sonnet, and still I haven't gotten over everything.
And now class again. Drat.
Sitting in a theatre in London during the first of two breaks during this five-hour show. All around are bits of the opening sonnet of Romeo and Juliet, which at least a third of us needs to have memorized for tomorrow. The show so far is incredible - God bless free theatre tickets for classes.
It's still fairly lonely - though I did finat one person who gives at least semi-arbitrary hugs. Hallelujah.
Classes are still a bit strained, due to events in the States. All the teachers are treating us with kid gloves. Not to mention anyone who hears us talking and notices the American accents. But hopefully all will clear up soon.
Not much else now - another day, another pound. I'll get these posted at some point.