October 15th, 2001

XBox Me

Round the bend

So. During my enormous break between classes, in the library, Clarissa finally asks what I'm going to do during break (we have a week-long break coming up soon). I, feeling relieved to hear her say she was going to Spain for the week, reply with the standard line - "I'm staying here. I can't afford to go anywhere." Sad, but true.

He eyes got wide. "But it wouldn't cost that much - the plane ticket would maybe be the cost of a show!" (This would be for a one-way ticket, neglecting cost of hostels and actually *doing* anything once there.)
"There's no way, Clarissa. It's just not possible."
"Not even to Barcelona?"
"No, Clarissa."

She leaves. I talk to the other people in the room, go back to reading plays. She comes back. "Steph, can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure." (inward cringe) "What about?"
"Clarissa, there's no way -"
"I mean buying your ticket for you."

Blink blink. Yes, that's right, she's offering to take me to Spain for a week. She didn't understand why I said no. I tried to explain that I couldn't accept it (she's seeing this as a gift - "I've been wanting to give you something back for awhile - you've given me so much." "I have? I let you use some of my milk once...you've given me chocolate and a mango (a mango! Just randomly! I don't even *like* mango that much!), I think we're even..."), but she seems to think I deserve something more - especially since she enjoys my company so much.

So much, in fact, that she's standing in the middle of the room staring at me as I write this. OK, she's gone. My shoulder's cramping, I get so tense around her. And an entire week in Spain, with just her?

I don't think so. Much as I'd love to go back to Spain, much as I would adore seeing everything there again, knowing I'd have to do it all with her just ruins it for me, really. I've alreday told her no, and no it shall remain. There's no way.

Of course, there is that little nagging part of me that knows I may never get this chance again, and a bit of discomfort shouldn't keep me from seeing that beautiful country again. Basically, I'm channelling my mother again.

What thinkest thou, dear readers?
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