April 18th, 2002

XBox Me

(no subject)

There are few things in the world I hate as much as I do seeing my mother cry. I've only seen it a few times in my life, but that's more than enough.

This afternoon, she and I went out to get something to eat, and to get me to sign the card for the gift for my brother's child (the baby shower's next week, I think). We started talking about how we wanted to figure out when exactly we wanted to go visit them - apparently, Rich had told mom at some point that he wasn't sure if he wanted her to come out when Emilee is born (this June). So mom said she wouldn't come. Now, he really wants her to come out. He also wanted to come out here in November, and then have us visit him for Christmas. That's an awful lot of money to be spending - we live on opposite coasts, and Rich's never been all that great about money to begin with, and now with the baby...That's just not feasible.

He called my mom at her work to tell her he wanted her to come to Maryland for the baby's birth. He misses us - a lot. They're still in Maryland mostly because her family is out there, etc. and so forth. And I know he really wants to see us - he actually talked to me the other night online, which just doesn't happen normally. Mom suddenly started crying when she was telling me about it. He misses us, and there's only one reason why we aren't there.

Me. At the school I am now.

If I'd stayed in Maryland, he'd be happier. But I don't know if I would be. Here, I'm happy - I've found a real "home", for the first time in my life. So what's more important - my family's happiness, keeping my brother off of anti-depressants and out of abusive relationships, steering him away from the alcoholism that runs in the family - or my happiness, keeping me from therapy and depression, and giving me a true home?
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