May 31st, 2004

Tattoo

(no subject)

So, it's been awhile since I've updated. The long and the short of it - I was freaking.

I'm unemployed, as of last Wednesday, and this freaks me out more than anything. I hate being unemployed, and looking for work, and being in this ridiculous state of limbo. I went through this last summer, and that was really rough then, too. This summer I don't have as much anxiety about finding work - I know I probably will.

The move, on the other hand, has me scared. I have to defend it to people all the time, and the more I try to defend it, the weaker my defense sounds to me. Going to visit the relatives in Colorado, there will be a lot of defense going on. I'm getting close to my expiration date, y'see - I'm the only grandchild not married, and I'm the only female. They're waiting for some kind of big, elaborate ceremony - the 'letting her go to college' thing was more or less an indulgence on their part, and really it's time to get on with my 'real' life now. This move is going to be difficult for them to understand.

I want to be a librarian. I want to leave Portland. I want to live my life surrounded by books and cats and people I love, who love me. That's all the justification I want, and that's all I'm going to give them.

Y'know, I feel better now. It helped, to say that. Maybe it'll be enough to keep things from getting too bad, again.

Here's hoping.