April 29th, 2005

Narcissi

*panic* (warning: depressing as hell)

Ok. Okokokokok. Can't panic, I'm at work.

Why the cause for panic? Well, we're waiting for Eric to get a phone call saying that he's got a job. With the best of luck, he would start on Monday, thus making things a little bit easier and whatnot. With the worst of luck, he doesn't get the job. With the most mediocre of luck, he gets the job, but doesn't start right away for (some random reason). Or he just plain doesn't hear from them.

That last one (the not hearing from them) is where we stand now. *panic* If he doesn't get this job, then we'll be in debt further to pay the bills. That's really the pure and simple fact of it. I may look into getting a deferral on my student loans, but it's unlikely, since I'm probably making too much now to qualify. I'm considering looking into finding a second job, part-time, around here (downtown Seattle) to help things out a bit.

If things keep going like this, we can just barely pay the bills (mostly), but wouldn't be able to buy gas for the car or much by way of food. If I get a second job, we would have more money around, but would hardly see each other to spend it. Not to mention that a second job would pretty much kill grad school. Not like I'm going to get in anyway, but it would mean putting it off indefinitely. And the wedding? Who knows?

I've been praying off and on all day. I haven't really done that since my dad passed away - I acknowledge the existence of a deity, but I've been rather ticked at him/her/it/them for a few years. It feels like a last resort - somebody's got to be watching out for us, no? Somebody's got to care, right?

Please?