June 22nd, 2005


Letters inspired by my office

To the freezer in the mail room:

While I understand that encasing an item in ice is, in fact, keeping it frozen, it wasn't *quite* what I had in mind. Pizza of the microwave variety shouldn't need to be thawed first.

Speaking of microwaves...
To the microwave in the mail room:

You suck the suck of 10,000 Hoovers. Seriously. 7 minutes is far too long to wait for hot pizza goodness. Add to that the fact that the center was not hot, and the edges were damn near impossible to cut through, and no. Were I able, I would happily trade you in for a newer model.

To the coworker with whom I share this small room all day, every day:

I understand the need for a personal music system-type...thing. Walkman, or whatever. I just have one teensy-tiny request - if possible, could you not sing along out loud? Or, if you definitely need to sing along, maybe under your breath, like most people do when they're in a room with other people? Or, if you *have* to sing along full-voice (or louder than you normally talk, actually), could you maybe sing in such a way that I can figure out what the hell it is you're singing? We're not talking opera here (well, actually, we may be, I'm not sure), but at least once I know it was James Taylor, and really, "Fire and Rain" should *not* take until the last seconds of the song to figure out.

Oh, and if you could knock off the cold-shoulder treatment, that would be nice, too.

To the others in my office:

Y'know, it's a funny thing, weather. See, we're working where now? Seattle? Western Washington? Pacific Northwest? Yeah. D'you know what everyone says when they think of Seattle? Everyone? I'll tell you. They say, "Wow, it rains a lot there." See, it seems that everyone knows that Seattle = rain. While it's a bit of an exaggeration, it's fairly on-target there. So WHY, in the name of CHOCOLATE, are you acting so BLOODY surprised that water is falling from the sky?!?!? Seriously people! You won't melt, anyway. There was only *one* of you I felt the slightest bit sorry for, and that's because you were wearing a thin tank top, white pants and sandals, and forgot your jacket. OK, fair enough, not so happy there. The rest of you? Psht.

...And that's my lunch break.