June 10th, 2009

Narcissi

(no subject)

I'm on the couch, cats nearby, dancing on television.
No matter how many tears have fallen, more lurk, waiting.
My mother's tears still ring in my memory.
Only one thought runs through my mind:
I want to go home.

But I don't know where that is.

The Milky-cat appears to have the first signs of kidney failure, and possibly high blood pressure. He'll be going in for more tests on Saturday. It's a matter of maintenance, not treatment. I was doing all right until I asked my mother how she was doing, and she started to cry. Work was frustrating, and every day I don't have a permanent job lined up, I panic more. I start thinking that I made a huge mistake leaving my old job - sure, I hated it, but it paid the bills and meant I could take care of my family. I never should have left.

It's not a great time to be a Stephie right now.