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Another email from the ex


So, before St. Louis--the King of France in this case, not the city--went on Crusade he called together all the nobles and vassals and even the commonfolk of the realm to address their grievances and set as many wrongs right as he could before he left the kingdom. He adjudicated and settled as many injustices as he found, because he was a good King and that was the sort of thing he did. Then he left and got terribly slaughtered by the Egyptians. Anyways.

I guess what I'm trying to say here, is that I just watched my two best friends break up in a very unfair way. I'm not going to say who acted in an unfair manner, because they're still both my best friends, but I'd like to know if I've wronged anyone during the course of a break-up. I've tried to do my best in the course of these things, and I know I'm not perfect, but if anyone has any grievances right now, like Louis, I am ready to listen.

And if you don't, just kindly forget I said anything.

Mattfully Matt,
Matt.


Several things:

This is the ex with whom I had the most painful breakup of my life. This breakup led to many, MANY arguments about who did what, and every time, it came down as being entirely my fault. I was the cause of the breakup, and the resulting drama. At least, that was the decision made during and after the arguments. If he wasn't willing to take any responsibility then, what makes me think he would now?

I've told him that we need to stay out of each other's lives. We were great friends, ok lovers, and rotten exes. The transition between the stages was awful, and has made it (in my mind) impossible to return to the beginning. He had agreed, and now he's bring this up again.

I've gotten over him. The breakup took a bit longer to get over, and I feel like the scars have faded - not gone completely (I don't think some of them will ever go away), but not something I really think about anymore. Now, it's being brought up again.

I have the option of being truthful, telling him how I feel, and helping him get through whatever he's dealing with. Or, I can ignore it and move along with my life, as it's no longer my responsibility to help save him. My concience would hate me, but I might be able to move on more effectively. I'm getting married in a few months, for crying out loud!

Advice?

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Comments

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fairoriana
Dec. 20th, 2005 08:01 pm (UTC)
Ignore, and set up a spam filter for any future emails. They can't affect you if you don't even know you got them.
smallbearcub
Dec. 20th, 2005 08:14 pm (UTC)
I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole. I agree with the previous comment about setting up a spam filter for him. If he's serious about changing the way he lives his life, let him make repeated attempts before even considering it. Otherwise, I wold find it highly inappropriate to be bringing up this kind of thing knowing that you're to be married soon.
ryhopewood
Dec. 20th, 2005 08:33 pm (UTC)
I agree with fairoriana. Ignore it. Don't let him drag down your current happiness.
princessgeek
Dec. 20th, 2005 08:57 pm (UTC)
I'm guessing you're going to reply. I don't think you can not. In that situation, I would want to say "GO SUCK AN EGG" but I wouldn't. I would say, "thank you very much for your email. I'm not sure that everything was resolved to my satisfaction. That said, I'm not interested in discussing it, I'm over it. Please don't send any more emails, just move along, these are not the robots you're looking for."
apestyle
Dec. 20th, 2005 09:29 pm (UTC)
My opinion: Just move on. Cut your losses and look forward to your GOOD life.
aladriana
Dec. 20th, 2005 09:41 pm (UTC)
Talking about it now, will likely open the old wounds. If it was the worst ever, let it lay.

You have someone very cool now, and you don't need the heartache of opening old wounds. :Hugs: Love you and Eric.
fireballof3
Dec. 20th, 2005 10:13 pm (UTC)
It's a very High Fidelity thing he's doing here. (John Cusak movie, in case you haven't seen it)

Kinda one of those looking back "what does it all mean" sorts of things.

You can just let him know that you're not interested in his soul searching, and if he's wronged someone, it's more meaningful for him to figure whom he wronged and approach them himself than it is for him to ask that they bring it up.

Alternately, you can just reply with something snarky like "Go find your 'I'm a good person' moment somewhere else."

Personally, I would just delete it and call it a day.
black_tam
Dec. 20th, 2005 11:02 pm (UTC)
Ignore and set up filter. Less drama, better life.
redsouffle
Dec. 21st, 2005 07:17 am (UTC)
OMG IT'S A FORM LETTER.
zzinnia
Dec. 21st, 2005 02:38 pm (UTC)
i would handle it like so:

Matt,

Everything's been resolved between us for some time now, so please take me off your mass-mailings list. Delete me from your address book, in fact. Good luck with everything,
pict_shrink
Dec. 21st, 2005 04:26 pm (UTC)
If I remember correctly, you already told him "things are over, stop contacting me", if not in those exact words. He is kinda dense, so maybe you need to use those exact words. I understand his impulse to write you - every now and then I still think about dropping a line to Goatboy; the difference is that I don't, because it's over and there's no more to say. There's no need to be rude to him (bad karma) but at the same time, if you feel the need to respond, you also don't need to solve his problems. His e-mail itself is extremely arrogant and manipulative - comparing himself to a king?!?

I think you're going to want to respond, so go ahead, and then set up the spam filter. You don't have to tell him about the filter, but do let him know you won't be answering any more of his e-mails (no false hope).

waml :*
grimhild
Dec. 22nd, 2005 09:26 pm (UTC)
I'm interested in learning what you decide on, though I probably don't know enough to advise here. Mayhaps you could let us know what the final decision is?
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