Setaú úta (setauuta) wrote,
Setaú úta

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State of Steph report

Neatly divided into categories, so you may ignore the bits you don't care about. 'Cause I'm thoughtful like that. :)

Ah, work. This year has seen me quit my first 'grown-up' job (as defined as a job that pays better than minimum wage and has bennies - I've high standards for 'grown-up' jobs, I know) and get a job in a law firm pushing paper around. Currently, I'm a week and a day away from transferring into another department, which means I'm training my replacement (a guy who's been working here for a couple of years, so comes to the job with a basic familiarity of the papers we deal with, who also happens to be really on the ball) and counting the hours until I no longer have to deal with the co-worker who's job could be better done by a carrot. The woman...I can't tell if she's just acting stupid, or if she really is that dumb. I understand taking time to learn the job - hell, it took me a couple of months to stop asking questions every five seconds, due to my paranoia and wanting to make sure everything's right - but at least I asked *different* questions each time. This woman asks me the same bloody question four and five times over - and won't write down the answer when I give it to her. It's becoming more and more difficult to remain patient and not just bust out with "WOMAN! Write it down, for the love of chocolate!". She's gotten into trouble for not doing her job, and not giving a damn, and unfortunately, this week she appears to be my problem. The nice co-worker is out of town this week, visiting her fiance's parents (and, well, celebrating her engagement, which was just made official a couple of weeks ago), so the carrot is all mine.
Other than that, I'm liking the environment, and I can see myself staying in this office for...well, for a little while, at least.

Dear Lord, we're just over three months away from the wedding. Everything's pretty much taken care of - we have the officiant *waves to aladriana*, the space, the dress is coming along bee-yootifully (I lost an inch and a half around my waist from one fitting to the next! *happydance*), our friends are being wonderful in helping us do this...Really, the next (and last BIG) hurdle is the invitations. We have the photo *waves to zzinia* and the wording, we just need the actual, y'know, thing. And to send them out. (Oh, and the marriage license - must to research that.) It's becoming very real and scary and wonderful all at the same time. We're going to be married! I'm going to be Mrs. gamethyme! I'm going to co-own the largest collection of board games and RPG books in Western Washington (ah, community property laws)! I can't wait. :)

Still kinda undecided as far as the future goes. I still feel a bit like I'm without a place in the world, sort of. I don't know what I am anymore, really. I used to be a student, and a reasonably bright one at that. Now...I'm not sure what category I fall into anymore. I want to go back to school - I want to be a librarian - I want to learn more languages and possible translate between them - I want to learn about linguistic - I want to get back onstage - I want to get back backstage - I want to write well (have to classify that one, obviously - just wanting to write doesn't cut it) - I want...I want to stand out. I've blended into the background quite a bit over the last few years, and I'm not quite sure how it happened, or how to stop it. I know I need to figure something out, though - if I just try to ignore it, if I pretend that I'll get used to it, then twenty years from now I'll explode and there will be carnage of one sort or another. I'm trying to avoid that. I just need to figure out how.

If there's one thing that has me stressed about the wedding than anything else, it's my family. It's not that I'm concerned that they're going to show up and cause a scene - it's that I know they aren't going to come. Even my brother's iffy (though that's all financial - the boy has the worst head for money in the world), much less his wife and daughter. My mom has 10 brothers and sisters, who married and produced a multitude of cousins. My father had one brother, and several uncles who married and produced cousins in abundance. In other words, there's no shortage of people who are related to me, and could reasonably be asked to come to my wedding. But they won't.
My twig of the family tree has always been a bit...different. We never lived in one of the big family hubs (Colorado or Minnesota, though we did live close to both at one point or another), we moved around a lot, we were...different. My brother's not athletic, I'm not tall and beautiful, and neither of us were really into the whole "get a job settle down raise a family" thing. My brother's a fireman and a paramedic - he's got a dangerous, demanding job. He's big, clever, and a complete smart-ass. Basically, he's turning into my father. At least, that's what I see. The problem is, I don't see him very often - not since May of 2003, to be precise. And he doesn't talk to me. I've tried reaching out, but there's such a wide gulf between us, I don't know if we can bridge it. With that gulf, I feel like I'm losing contact with the remains of what was my family.
The aunts, the uncles, the cousins - there are so many of us, they're not going to bother with all the petty things like weddings and graduations. We aren't even nearby, so we can't expect them to pick up and fly out here. We just...don't register on their radar, it seems.
This year, what with the wedding and all, has made me realize, more than ever, that I don't really have a family anymore. At least, not the one I grew up with, and not the one I knew. And I miss it.

I suppose that's it, then. We'll be having a New Year's Eve party at Phoenix Games, should any of y'all want to stop by and game with us. We should be there starting around 5pm or so.

Tags: everything, life, state of steph, the universe
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