Setaú úta (setauuta) wrote,
Setaú úta

It's been awhile. I'll be home in three days. My show goes up the day after tomorrow.

It's been a rotten last few days. I keep feeling like I need to get away from all these people or I'll scream - today's rehearsal was fine on everybody else's part, horrid on mine - I'm not goign to have enough money left on my phone card to call Bret before I leave early Saturday morning - I'm petrified about coming home. I guess that last one's the big one. I know I've probably idealized things a bit (I tried to restrict the "if I were home, x would/n't happen" to cases where x was both true and likely), so I'm trying to remind myself of the shortcomings.

My bigger concern is about how people have - or haven't - idealized me. I've gotten a bit of a feeling like some of my friends expect every thing to be better once I get back. That worries me - I can't live up to that! I can't magically make people's lives happier or better or anything just because I'm there. I mean, yeah, I guess some people feel comfortable around me, but, I don't know. Being here, knowing my presense didn't really matter one way or the other to the people here, makes me a little wary of getting into a situation where people want to be around me.

I realize most of these worries will be put to rest when I finally see people again, but still. Plus, the rehearsal's just put me in a resally crappy mood. One of the kinds of moods where, if I were home, I'd find somebody willing to give me a hug/head skritch and just talk at for a little while. Sigh star sigh.
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