Setaú úta (setauuta) wrote,
Setaú úta

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Health updates and spoon deficiencies

(Before I start, in case you've not heard of this before, you can read about the Spoon Theory here.)

It's been a hell of a last couple of weeks. Work has been kicking my butt, and I don't think I'd quite realized just how much it had been affecting me physically until today. It should have been a bit more obvious - I've had some very long and very busy days and nights the last few weeks. The Headaches of Doom suck, obviously, but it's the pain I know. Lately, the pain is just finding new and more interesting ways to make life difficult. My right hand (naturally), my hips, my back, my shoulders...everything just HURTS. I was supposed to have an appointment with my doctor yesterday (a check-in on the medication, which is still doing reasonably well, though I've had trouble remembering to take it and have taken to carrying it with me just in case), but due to a last-minute meeting that I had to go to, I had to reschedule the doctor's appointment. The next time I can get in to see him will be January. If my hand hasn't improved by then, I'll probably have to go to the walk-in clinic or something. I don't think that I'll be able to get much help for it, honestly, but it would be good to make sure I didn't manage to fracture something somehow.

I had an ultrasound regarding the whole PCOS thing, and while I got the results back, I have no earthly idea what they mean. I have an appointment with the OB/GYN next month to check in on things, and figure out what the devil's going on and what our next steps need to be. The doctor's office confirmed that I would have received a phone call if there had been something "seriously wrong", so now I just have to worry about all the things that could just be "moderately wrong" that wouldn't merit a phone call. Because, y'know, I'm me.

I think the worst thing about the pain and how badly it's draining me is that I don't feel like I can say anything, because I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. People who don't have chronic pain or chronic illness don't really understand that "just a headache" can be a perfectly viable reason for being completely unresponsive for a day, and because of how my work situation is, everyone's stressed and underwater. It's something that my first mentor here told me that's been hard to forget - Everybody's busy, and no one needs to hear about how busy you are, when they're probably just as busy, if not more so. It does tend to turn into a game of "who's got it worse?", and I've always hated that game. On the personal front, I just feel like I'm letting everyone down if I can't live up to my obligations. I know I end up disappointing people, even though they understand (because my friends are made of awesome), and I've never done very well with that idea. At the same time, the combination of work stress and physical stress and emotional stress is not great. It makes me feel like I'm running on fumes, and won't have a chance to recover for a bit. At least I have a visit from Erin to look forward to, and I get Christmas and New Year's Day off. With luck, I'll be able to stay unplugged both of those days, and no one will need anything from me work-wise.

Now that I've gotten my whining out of the are you guys doing? Ready for the holidays, or trying desperately to pretend they don't exist? Come, have some tea, let's chat. :)
Tags: burnout, headache of doom, health, rant, whine, work

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