Setaú úta (setauuta) wrote,
Setaú úta

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In the land of Steph

It's been an interesting few months. To wit:

1. Work - Things are getting both better and worse there. I've been taking on more responsibility, which is good, but I've been butting heads with my manager more and more. I've been working on a project lately that is no longer me working on a tool that our team will use, and more me being a software developer for a client. That's not what I want in a career, and it's making me really frustrated. I'd previously been looking at openings in other departments in my company, and my manager was aware of that; he asked me what I would like out of my current role that would make me want to stay. Of course, we had that discussion before the project from hell got so, well, hellish, which would probably change my answer. The project should be ending fairly soon, though, so I think I just need to push through it and do the best I can.

2. Health - Eric and I have both been working on getting healthier and losing weight, and things are starting to pay off. He's lost almost 40 (!) pounds since April, and I've lost about 25. I think this is my version of a mid-life crisis - I realized not too long ago that I'm getting close to the age my father was when he had his first heart attack. Between that, and realizing that children are no longer in the game plan for us, it's been a bit of a shock to the system. At the same time, I think that for the first time in a really long time, I no longer just don't want to die - I actively want to LIVE. The Headaches of Doom still strike with distressing frequency, but the panic attacks have lessened significantly. Even living with constant pain, I'm still feeling better. I still have self-confidence issues, and I don't see those going away any time soon, but I'm occasionally more OK with being in the limelight, rather than fighting to be backstage all the time.

3. Writing - I wrote my first short story, and submitted it to an anthology for consideration. I'm on my way to my first official rejection letter! It was a really great experience to get myself back into writing more regularly, and between that and the fact that I'm beta testing a sooper sekrit project at work that's geared toward writers, I've probably written more in the last three months than I had in the previous year. I've been going through some of the things that I've started for NaNo in the past, and there are some things that are surprisingly not as bad as I had thought. I've been working toward finishing some of those things, fleshing them out and cleaning them up, and I've been having such a good time with it. I realized the other day that the things that I consider essential to be with me at all times include something to read, a way to write, and a way to listen to music. No matter how many times I've said that I want to be a writer, I think it just occurred to me that I may already be a writer. There's something incredibly comforting about that.

4. Eric - I am ridiculously lucky to have found my husband. Things aren't perfect, because they never will be - there are people involved, after all. At the same time, I would much rather be in an imperfect relationship with him than in a "perfect" relationship with anyone else. He has been fantastically supportive of me, and I love the fact that he's willing to back me up with anything I want to try. I just want to make sure I'm giving back to him as much as I'm getting from him.

So overall, I'm in a pretty good place. Things aren't perfect, but they're good. And considering how bad things were and have been, I feel pretty great about "good."
Tags: eric, health, state of steph, writing
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