Setaú úta (setauuta) wrote,
Setaú úta

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Thank you guys for the support on the last post. I still feel more comfortable spilling my guts here than in the other social media outlets, so you might be seeing more from me going forward. I will say it was somewhat gratifying on Facebook, though - I posted a somewhat vague "Hey, gonna have to have surgery, kinda freaked out" post, and within minutes two good friends had texted me and my older brother called - CALLED! He's practically allergic to the phone, but he needed to know what was going on. I don't think he really appreciated finding out about his sister's uterus, but hey, I gave him fair warning.

For now, I'm just exhausted. I'd kind of gotten used to the constant head pain, and can usually push through without too much trouble anymore. But having a new constant pain, along with the low-level panic that's going on pretty much all the time, is wiping me out. I need to ping my therapist again to see when I can get in to see her, but in the meantime it just feels like it's all I can do to stay upright and going through the motions. I can feel the depression sinking its fangs in, and I hate it. At least this time I can say pretty confidently that I'm not in danger of hurting myself, because most of my panic is over being hurt by the surgery. So that's something, I guess.

I need to get moving, I need to do things, and I just...can't. I have no spoons left to be myself anymore. I know full well that I'm letting this little thing take over everything, and I'm completely overreacting and being melodramatic. (Wow, channeled my mother from my teenage years for a minute there.) I know this will pass, and even though I won't be the same on the other side of it (even if it's just physically), I'll still be me. I just need to get to the other side of it, and that seems to be the difficult part right now.
Tags: depression, health, whine

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