For now, I'm just exhausted. I'd kind of gotten used to the constant head pain, and can usually push through without too much trouble anymore. But having a new constant pain, along with the low-level panic that's going on pretty much all the time, is wiping me out. I need to ping my therapist again to see when I can get in to see her, but in the meantime it just feels like it's all I can do to stay upright and going through the motions. I can feel the depression sinking its fangs in, and I hate it. At least this time I can say pretty confidently that I'm not in danger of hurting myself, because most of my panic is over being hurt by the surgery. So that's something, I guess.
I need to get moving, I need to do things, and I just...can't. I have no spoons left to be myself anymore. I know full well that I'm letting this little thing take over everything, and I'm completely overreacting and being melodramatic. (Wow, channeled my mother from my teenage years for a minute there.) I know this will pass, and even though I won't be the same on the other side of it (even if it's just physically), I'll still be me. I just need to get to the other side of it, and that seems to be the difficult part right now.