Setaú úta (setauuta) wrote,
Setaú úta

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Health updates

So it's been a while, and I have news across the board. First, the most dramatic, I guess - on November 5th, I will be going in for surgery to have a large fibroid, a small fibroid, and a polyp removed. I will not need to have a hysterectomy. After the last round of testing, my doctor determined that the largest fibroid (hereafter referred to as "Mega-Roid") is only attached by a small stalk, and is not deeply embedded as previously thought.

Due to the size of Mega-Roid, a laparoscopy isn't the best option for me, as it would be longer and more complicated than an open surgery. I decided to go with the method that means I'm under for less time and don't have to come anywhere near something called a morcellator. (Man, Chrome's spell check is having a field day with this post.) It's still not something I'm super thrilled about, and the previously-unknown polyp is cause for a bit of concern, but there's not much I can do about that until it's been removed and tested.

Between panic and the growing pain, I am, on the whole, not OK. I've had to spend several days working from home, either because the panic is going into overdrive or because the pain leaves me unable to stay upright. I am seeking help, meeting with my therapist regularly and having my pain levels carefully monitored by my doctor. Last week was probably the worst it's been - I felt like I was in a fog, either from pain or from panic, which led to some issues with the depression. So far this week, things are going a bit better. I'm taking things one day at a time, and I have been incredibly fortunate to have friends and family who have been immensely supportive, and who are completely willing to let me take the time to take care of myself.

In college, before the big breakdown, I remember feeling like things were getting bad, and so I started to pull away from everyone to try and focus on getting myself back together. At the time, it felt like there were a lot of people who depended on me in one way or the other, and I remember sitting with one of them and talking about how I was having a rough time and was trying to focus on myself for once. I jokingly said, "Yeah, I'm going to try being selfish for once," and his response was "Yes, you are. You're being completely selfish." He wasn't joking. That attitude has been stuck in my head and keeps me from taking the time I need all the time. I know it's dumb, and it's one comment from a young man that I don't even talk to anymore, but it stuck, and it's been really hard to overcome.

All in all, I'm doing my best to make it through all of this. My boss has been fantastic about the whole thing, which has been a huge weight off my shoulders. Soon, at least one part of my pain will hopefully go away. Now it's just a matter of making it to that point.
Tags: health, update

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