According to CNN, the House of Representatives are getting in on the st00pidity, and three of the cafeterias in their buildings have excised the word “French” from the names of common foods. That’s right, folks, taking their cues from a North Carolina restaurant owner, you may no longer get “French Fries” at the cafeteria. You get “Propaganda Potatoes” um “Fascism Fries” oops “Tyrant Taters” ahem, I mean, “Freedom Fries”. Ditto with “French Toast” being deported, and replaced with “Freedom Toast”.
Did you catch that, readers??? The source for this news is CNN. Not The Onion. Yet again, our lazy-ass electorate shows that it can manage to put people in office that can create a truth that is indeed stranger than any fiction created by professional satirists.
All this, because France doesn’t support the dork that’s running our country. You know the one I’m talking about - the spoiled brat coke-head that ran away with the election, after being selected by the Supreme Court, based on about 20% of the eligible voters actually voting for him.
(The next sentence after this one, is a singular occurrence, and should be savored as such, for never before have I said it, and perhaps I shall never say it again…). I think it’s about time we quit harshing on the French, and go after the real enemy.
We did it in 1917. We were at war with Germany, so excised the word “German” and all German loan-words from the lexicon. “Sauerkraut” became “Liberty Cabbage”, “German Measles” became “Liberty Measles”, “Frankfurters” became “Hot Dogs”, etc.
Since Bush is acting in a way that is soooo monumentally stupid, and so harmful to the people of this country and planet, and since the goons on his cabinet are eroding our freedoms and liberties, I think we could consider him to be at war with us.
Therefore, so we do not have to pollute perfectly innocent things and concepts by association with Dubya, I propose we remove the word “bush” from the lexicon, and humbly submit the following substitutions:
When using “bush” to refer to woody plants used as a fence or boundary (like the ones outside my house, between my home and the prying eyes of Ashcroft’s Orwellian snoops): “Privacy Hedges”
To refer to small, woody plants not used as fences or boundaries: “Liberty Trees”
To refer to wilderness: “Freedom Acres”
To describe being tired: “Liberated”
Finally, I propose henceforth calling a woman’s pubic triangle the “Victory Garden”, because what we need to do is make some more love, not war. So, whenever you get together with one of your favorite people to plant something there, we all win.