Man, never read the journal of an EMT really late at night if you don't want to start thinking about life and death. I wonder if my brother thinks about that that much, too. I hope not, because I know there's still part of him that blames himself for Daddy. See, Rich was the one to find him. He'd already been gone for several hours by that time, but Rich's a paramedic. I just wish I could actually talk to him about this, you know? Unfortunately, he and I don't have the closest of relationships. Far from it. The only way I know anything about what's going on in his life is through Ma. I tried reaching out to him in a moment of desperation a little while ago, and it was so uncomfortable between us. It was embarrassing, almost. It's hard to describe, I guess.
Too many things. Up too late. Need to read something fun, get sleep, try not to think of Daddy in pain.