Setaú úta (setauuta) wrote,
Setaú úta
setauuta

Class days

Alone in a room, surrounded by people. Hm, how does this feel familiar? We're at a school-wide meeting called this morning in light of recent events. On the one hand, I'm relieved to be with a group of Americans - birds of a feather, etc. On the other hand, I seem to be surrounded by people who want nothing more than to dwell on it - either the horrific human cost, or the rage they feel towards the evil that did this. Newspapers abound - eveyrone has their Doomsday predictions of the world economy, security, etc. (Update: This afternoon someone read a prediction written by Nostradamus in 1566 about how in the year of the century and nine months, a great fire would rain down from the sky, and in the town of York twin brothers would be torn apart, and the third great war would begin. Lovely.)

I guess the thing that gets me is that so many people have found someone to either support or to support them - I, still having the hardest time reaching out, have yet to do this. Yesterday, I walked back from school with a few people who were in similar states of shock, and it was good to have someone there. But I do still need someone. I need a hug, more than anything, and it doesn't seem as though the majority of people around here are arbitrary huggers. Taht could be just because it's still the first week, though.

There does seem to be one person who would want to reach out a bit, but, being as picky as I am, she won't do. She's starting to give me the creeps a bit, to be honest. I've mentioned her before - the flatmate who seems so bound and determined to look up to me. It seems almost...worshippful, I guess? The way I catch her staring at me, the way she seems to go out of her way to try to do things for me, the way she tries desperately not to do anything to offend me...much of it reminds me of ex-boyfriend Luke. I could be misreading things, of course - I'm just not altogether comfortable around her.

I'm not the only one. I've had the Clarissa conversation with two other flatmates, both of whom are worried about her because she seems so much less than happy.

More later - class now.
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