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I wonder...the CD I'm listening to right now is filled with "love saved me" songs - I never could have made it without your love, without your love I'm lost, you brought color back into the world because everything was horrible before I met you, etc.

Is it a bad thing that, for the most part, these songs don't apply?

Now that I think aobut it, this might be one of, if not the, first relationship I've had where I haven't tried to make those kind of songs applicable. For so long it seemed like the only way to make life bearable was to have someone love me - everything was just so horrible without someone. I hated being alone - I hated being single. Thus I made each relationship mean something. It became one of the most important aspects of my life. It almost defined me, in a sense - I was "in a relationship."

This time's different. This time, I don't feel as thought Bret makes my life worth living or anything like that. Of course, he makes my life better, in a hundred little ways that mean oceans to me. But life wasn't all that bad before him. I didn't mind being alone. I don't feel as though my life and his are inextricably entwined - we share our lives with each other, but they are still separate. Maybe that's due mostly to the situation - it's a bit difficult to make your life revolve aroudn someone 6000 miles away.

Because of all this, I feel less like my world would end if the relationship does end, and that allows me to become more comfortable with the idea of letting myself be in love. It's a very new concept to me. I just wonder if there's something wrong with this approach to relationships, since it is so new to me.


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Sep. 27th, 2001 04:58 pm (UTC)
That's fantastic
You know, that sounds wonderful. I'm finally learning that I don't need a relationship. Hopefully, I'll learn to stop thinking of myself as single first and foremost.


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